e:sortkey="" be:sortmode="Normal" id="BlogViewId">Are you afraid that people are trusting you too much? This guide will inform you how make people stop trusting you!

1. Ask other people if you can borrow things often. When they loan things to you, run off with the things or deny that they ever existed. Repeat.

2, If you ever learn any sensitive information about others, tell as many people as possible.

3. Tell people lies about yourself so that you seem better than you are. Change whatever stories you created if they find out the truth.

4. Grab things out of peoples' hands or from their area without their permission. (Only give the things back if you're held you at gunpoint.)

5. If someone asks if you will do something, say you will. Then, simply don't.

6. Hurt people randomly. Say that you are "building character."

7. Say bad things about people in front of them. Say that you're "just kidding."

8. Do hurtful things to other people. Say that you're "just kidding."

9. Compliment other people. Say that you're "just kidding."

10. If people retaliate your joking, retaliate back harder.

11. Question everything that other people tell you. Proclaim your superiority.

Whoever said that “honesty is the best policy” obviously never had to deal with weekly (or - heaven forbid - daily) phone calls from the parental units while in college.  Thanks to cell phones and unlimited family minutes, it seems like my parents are always calling to chat.  Of course, I love them dearly, and for that reason I sometimes have to fib.  You know, to protect their innocent naivety.  And to avoid some awkward conversations.  So here are the top 10 lies college students tell their parents:

1)      I was at the library on Thursday night.  Actually, this MAY be true if you attend Ohio State and were, in fact, at the Library bar getting wasted for the official start of the weekend.  In either case, it’s just better to stick with this alibi.  In your parents’ minds, the only students who drink are those of legal age who will go out and have a couple of beers on Friday or Saturday night.  Ignorance is bliss; don’t spoil their innocence.

2)      I would have gotten an “A” in that class, but the crazy tenured professor was completely biased.  Just because I procrastinated writing the final paper until the night before, half-assed the final project, and in general hated the class so much I didn’t bother studying for the exams, the professor thought I was a slacker.  The nerve!

3)      No, I don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend.  Like most students, I don’t have the time or money to have an actual steady boyfriend.  Sure, I’m no angel, but random guys that you hook up with don’t exactly merit ‘boyfriend’ status.  If you are lucky enough to be in a committed relationship, the last thing you want to do is tell your parents; they’ll want to know everything about your significant other, meet him/her, and practically plan your wedding for you.  

4)      I’m still a virgin.  You will always be an innocent angel in your parents’ eyes.  Your birth control prescription?  That’s just to control acne and PMS.  The condoms in your medicine cabinet?  Left over from the Student Wellness Fair on campus a few months ago.  After all, since you don’t have a boy/girlfriend, who would you sleep with? ;)

5)      I had to spend that $300 on books for the quarter.  In reality, you found your texts used, online, or at the library and spent about $150.  The rest?  A celebratory new outfit for surviving the last quarter, a weekend at the bars after finals, and a spending spree at Target for ‘necessities.’

6)      I’ve never been drunk.  But I’ve got a hilarious story involving a beer bong, a trashed friend, a duck, and a police citation for public urination.  I just happened to be there to catch it all.  Except for those few ‘blackouts’ when I, uh, wasn’t there. 

7)      Recreational drugs?  What are those?  Unless you grew up on a commune and your parents are liberal hippies with a policy of frank openness, mom and dad will insist that they were the only 2 young adults who didn’t smoke up in the ‘70s.  Don’t call them out on their lie, and they won’t call you out on yours. 

8)      I must have missed your call when I was in the shower.  I recognized your ring tone but was busy drinking/on Facebook/picking my belly button lint to take 30 minutes out of my day to talk to you.  Besides, mom should know by now not to call when Lost/Grey’s Anatomy/24 is on TV. 

9)      I’d come home this weekend, but I’m just really busy right now with schoolwork.  I’ve got two keggers to go to instead.  Besides, I don’t feel like driving five hours just for a free meal and laundry.  Oh, and I do have a final paper that I’ll have to write on Sunday night, after my hangover wears off. 

10)  I totally have a five year plan.  It involves either winning the lottery or marrying a millionaire.  If that doesn’t work out, it involves you paying for grad. school, then me moving back home after graduation if I can’t find a job

90% of American women marry up.

---

Almost 90% of American women "marry up" to a man that earns more than they do. Coincidence? I think not.

What we see here is the typical gap between what women say (and may believe on a conscious level) and what they do (Some are conscious hypocrites, others choose wealthier men on a subconscious level, screening out less successful guys without even admitting it to themselves). Only a small minority of women at present (just over 10%) marry men who make less than them. They are the only ones who without a doubt chose men for themselves.

There is a thing called "falling in love within a framework" which means these women at a subconscious level only allow themselves to fall for men who meet their conditions in regard to success, wealth, etc. The other guys, no matter how nice, intelligent, good-natured, and self-assured, will get screened out before they are even seriously considered, in 90% of cases.

The one constant of life is that women, after you marry them, will always change. You think they are sexy and fair now? They will probably change after the wedding.

That's just the way it is, folks, no way to change it. Best thing is to look at the women's mom, married sisters, and how she was raised. That is a much better indicator than what she says when you date her.

Men lie to get sex. Women lie (like crazy) to get married. Oldest rule in the book. PS. Women will deny this all day long. Feel free to ignore their denials.

---

39% of American wives don't do any paid work.

Women working part-time, while their husbands work full-time in the main breadwinner position is common, but the opposite is almost unheard of.

---

Do you ever sense that your wife sees you as a means to an end rather than a person? Sometimes I feel like my wife loves me for what I can do for her (kids, security, whatever) but does not really care about me specifically. Many woman who are getting older want to get married, but who they marry seems less important than actually being married.

---

The big Red Zone for gold digging is 30-35 for most guys. That's when you're getting established enough in a career so you're not as much of a risk as a clueless student in his 20s but you're still young enough to marry and feasibly have a family. That's Very attractive to women ranging from 21 to 39.

I'm defining "gold digger" as a woman looking for security, a provider. That defines a goodly % of women. Most people think of the fake, social obsessed bleached blonde who wants jewels and a white Mercedes convertible. Still, since they both want comfort via another, I see them different more in degree than in kind.

---

Women want access to the three options available only to women who marry up to more successful men (which the majority do):

1) To stay home to parent

2) To mix work and parenting to their liking

3) To work full-time, but with the option to switch to either of the first two options at any time.

This is only possible if the woman is married to a man who financially subsides these choices. Then there's the after marriage option:

4) If she gets bored of him, divorce and ass-rape him in court.

10 Things Never to Say to a Girl

 

 

She’s just a friend.  Yeah right.  If she’s attractive and single we see her as a threat.  If she really is just a friend, let us know the reason why.  Is it because she’s not your type, she has a boyfriend, she has an annoying personality?  We like to be reassured that you’re not secretly into your “friend”.

 

I’ll call you tonight at 8pm.  Do NOT give a specific time or date of when you will be calling unless you intend to keep your word.  If you say you will call tonight, we are expecting a call tonight.  Not calling will set off all sorts of alarms that will lead to us not trusting you.  If you don’t know when you will call, you can say something like, “I’ll talk to you later.”

 

She’s hot!  We like to think that, at least in your eyes, we are the hottest woman on the planet.  Pointing out that someone else is attractive will not earn you any brownie points.  We don’t want to know if you think anyone else is hot, so zip it!

 

I don’t use condoms.  That’s nice.  We don’t want an STD.  Condoms are a fact of life in today’s society, so unless you’ve been tested and plan to be monogamous, get used to them.

 

I love you – If you don’t mean it, you’ll be opening Pandora’s Box.  Women do not take this statement lightly.  We are waiting for you to say it and when you do, we assume the relationship is moving to the next level.  If you’re not ready for that, then don’t utter these three little words until you are.

 

Did you gain weight?  Does this one really need an explanation?  You shouldn’t even say this jokingly, even if your girlfriend is stick thin.  Just as you don’t want to hear anything about your “size”, women don’t want to hear about their weight.

 

My ex always/never/used to… If your ex is still on your mind so much that you need to constantly bring her up, then why are you dating us?  Relationships are difficult enough without the ghost of your ex floating around.  Either get back with her or shut up.

 

You remind me of my mother.  Do not compare your mother to your girlfriend unless you’ve made it clear that you absolutely adore your mother and think the world of her. 

 

Did we have plans?  Oh no you didn’t!  If we’ve made plans to get together, we’ve been looking forward to it all day.  We’ve been thinking about how to dress and how to do our hair.  Don’t rain on our parade by being dumb enough to forget or there will be hell to pay.

 

Keep in touch/Call me.  What the heck is that supposed to mean?  That you don’t plan on ever calling us again?  That you want us to call you next time?  That you’re unsure how we feel about you and you want to see if we’ll call?  There’s too much room for misinterpretation here, so just don’t use either of these ambiguous expressions.  Your job is to call, our job is to wear the high heels.

 

Here is a bonus one:

 

How old are you? – If the woman appears to be anywhere near 30, do not ask her age.  If you really must know, you can make an educated guess from other information she gives you, such as when she graduated from college.  If however, she appears to be under 20, you absolutely must ask, so as to make sure she is of legal age!

The Good Wife's Guide
From "Housekeeping Monthly", May 13, 1955.

- Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about is needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

- Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

- Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

- Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

- Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables.

- Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

- Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

- Be happy to see him.

- Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

- Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first -remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

- Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure, and his very real need to be at home and relax.

- Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

- Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

- Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

- Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

- Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low soothing and pleasant voice.

- Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

- A good wife always knows her place.

Today, a marriage is a contract where a man is still supposed to provide for a family financially (90% of women still marry up, even women who make $200K a year), but a woman is a nagging bitch who stops having sex, makes your life miserable and ass-rapes you in divorce court.

Some of these signs of a cheating spouse are "tongue in cheek" while others are tell tale signs that commonly appear with a cheating husband or cheating wife. There is no copyright. Feel free to forward to those who might be interested. But please don't change anything.

Signs of a Cheating Spouse:

1) You find birth-control pills in her medicine cabinet, and you've had a vasectomy.

2) Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you. (They either know about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible wife or girlfriend you are.)

3) Your cheating husband or wife stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.

4) Sets up a new e-mail account and doesn't tell you about it.

5) He leaves the house in the morning smelling like Irish Spring and returns in the evening smelling like Safeguard.

6) She joins the gym and begins a rigorous workout program.

7) She buys a cell phone and doesn't let you know.

8) He sets up a separate cell phone account that is billed to his office.

9) The cheating husband carries condoms, and you are on the pill.

10) Begins to delete all incoming phone calls from the caller ID.

11) Deletes all incoming e-mails when they used to accumulate.

12) He becomes "accusatory," asking if you are being true to him, usually out of guilt.

13) Raises hypothetical questions such as, "Do you think it's possible to love more than one person at a time?"

14) He buys himself new underwear.

15) He insists the child seat, toys, etc., are kept out of his car.

16) The cheating wife stops wearing her wedding ring.

17) Has a sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry.

18) Has unexplained scratches or bruises on his or her neck or back.

19) Suddenly wants to try new love techniques.

20) He/she fairly suddenly stops having sex with you.

21) He/she suddenly wants more sex, more often.

22) Supposedly works a lot of overtime, but it never shows up on the pay stub.

23) Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.

24) You find out by accident he or she took vacation day or personal time off from work - but supposedly worked on those days.

25) Shows a sudden interest in a different type of music.

26) Spouse's co-workers are uncomfortable in your presence.

27) Has a sudden preoccupation with his or her appearance.

28) Spends an excessive amount of time on the computer, especially after you have gone to bed.

29) He throws up a lot because he just ate at his mistress's house and had to eat the dinner you prepared when he got home.

30) Your spouse is away from home, either nights or on trips, more than previously.

31) His/her clothes smell of an unfamiliar perfume or after-shave. You see lipstick on your husband's shirt.

32) The amount of money being deposited into your checking account drops off.

33) You find items of intimate apparel or other small gift-type items that you did not give your spouse.

34) Your spouse seems less comfortable around you and is "touchy" and easily moved to anger.

35) You get calls where the caller hangs up when he or she hears your voice.

36) He/she loses attention in the activities in the home.

37) Your intuition (gut feeling) tells you that something is not right.

38) He/she has a definite change in attitude towards everyone in the home.

39) She uses a low voice or whisper on the phone or hangs up quickly.

40) She has a "glow" about her.

41) Atypical erratic behavior.

42) He sneaks out of the house.

43) She sleeps with her purse by the bed.

44) She goes to the store for groceries and comes home 5 hours later.

45) He tells you that you can get hold of him at a different telephone number.

46) The telltale sign of a cheating spouse? Having to ask that question in the first place.

40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN.....

 

1) NOT KISSING FIRST.

Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.

 

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.

Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

 

3) NOT SHAVING.

You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which your rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

 

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.

Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

 

5) BITING HER NIPPLES.

Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a dogie toy, isn't.

 

6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.

Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

 

7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.

A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

 

8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.

Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.

 

9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.

Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

 

10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.

Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along

side of the clitoris.

 

11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.

Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

 

12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.

Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.

 

13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.

Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

 

 

14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.

Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior ofher vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

 

15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.

You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

 

16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.

Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.

 

17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.

A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks first.

 

18) GOING TOO FAST.

When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly,with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

 

19) GOING TOO HARD.

If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.

 

20) COMING TOO SOON.

Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

 

21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.

It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.

 

22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.

You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask.

 

23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.

Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.

 

24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.

Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this.It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

 

25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.

Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it.  When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.

 

26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.

Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don't grab her head.

 

27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.

In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

 

28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.

Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

 

29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.

 

30) TAKING PICTURES.

When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words "__to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.

 

31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.

Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

 

32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.

There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.

 

33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.

If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.

 

34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.

Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.

 

35) GIVING LOVE BITES.

It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

 

36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.

Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.

 

37) TALKING DIRTY.

It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know

 

38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.

You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.

 

39) SQUASHING HER.

Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.

 

40) THANKING HER.

Never thank a woman for having sex with you.  Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.

The 5 Most Powerful Tips to Succeed In Dating.